more?

On the spot rambling?
Okay then :)

I want to be something more. I always have, I've just never had the motivation to do so.  Today is one of those particularly motivated days, but not in the sense that I'm actually getting shit done with my life right now.  I'm still just being me.. sitting on my bed, sending the occasional text to my boy, and listening to music. I'd like to have more.  I'd like to be better.  But maybe that isn't who I am?

Some days I want to be healthier and work out.  Some days I want to do all of my homework and have good grades.  Some days I want to read my Bible and pray.  Some days I actually want to brush my teeth and wash my face before I go to bed.  Sometimes it's as simple as wanting to clean my room or do my laundry more.  Maybe it's weird, but usually I don't want to do those things.  Sure, I like who I am..
But I do know I could be better.
Where do I start?

And it's funny because I like doing the things I want to be doing.. but I just don't.
It doesn't make sense.
I love reading, but I can't seem to pick up this damn book and read.
I love photography, but I just don't feel like it.
I love being healthy, but I'm just not.

I don't get it!

It's always "maybe tomorrow.."
.. then I fall asleep and do the exact same thing tomorrow.  Same routine, only now I'm avoiding the things I should be doing. For no reason!!

I hate routine. I really do. But now I've fallen so deep into one that I can't figure out how to pull myself back out of it.

I want to be free from it all.
I want to have no worries.
I want to be at peace with myself and my life.

I need a change. I need something new.
Summertime, come quickly!


**Sorry if you took the time to read this and were disappointed at it's lack of a conclusion ;)